


Never Enough.

by TaurusQueen413



Category: the arcana
Genre: Abandonment, Angst, Heavy Angst, Magic, Male Pronouns for Asra (The Arcana), Named Apprentice (The Arcana)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-18 01:02:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29725956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaurusQueen413/pseuds/TaurusQueen413
Summary: Asra tells Aria he wouldn't leave.But once again, he does.
Relationships: Apprentice/Asra (The Arcana)
Kudos: 15





	Never Enough.

Aria woke to an empty home. An empty bed, an empty heart. She kicked the blankets over her and trodded downstairs, thinking he would be in the shop. It was, after all, Monday. She plastered a wide smile on, expecting to see him at the table dealing tarot readings or explaining what the strange red sludge was to a small child. 

They had such a romantic last night; he had taken her to the fields and had a dinner under the stars, telling her about all the places he wanted to go with her, all the things he wanted to show her. He could now that they've defeated the Devil. He would take her first thing tomorrow, he said. And then they made love under the stars, nothing short of ragged breathes and messy kisses, hand holding and flesh rubbing. She rounded the corner and found the shop empty. Not a single light on. 

She pursed her lips. 'He's probably in the market. He wouldn't leave without me.' she ran her fingers through her hair, parting the locks with a shakey hand. It must've been around 7 am. The sun was just now rising, casting a pale light over the shop through the open curtains. She sat the the table, inhaling the scent of him. His magic, his wholeness. 

She inhaled as deep as she could, straining to smell anything. Feel anything, something. But there was nothing. No magic residue, no perfume, no energy. The wards were in place, but it just feels like someone else out them there. Her stomach sunk to the bottom of her lap, and she headed into the kitchen. On the kitchen counter she found a note. 

'I'm sorry Aria, I truly am. I have to leave once more, and you can't come with me. I'll be back by Friday. Next time, I promise. Love, Asra.' 

Are you shitting me? Is he serious? Aria crumpled the note, choked back a frustrated sob and smoothed out the paper on the counter. It was jagged and bent now; just how she felt. She let out a sigh and left it. Done. She was done. Just done. She had ENOUGH of his games. He promised her things would be different, promised he would never leave. Not without her. She stormed up into the apartment and grabbed a few tote bags. She packed her things with dead eyes, tired and old.

She gathered her things quickly, stopping to look at a gift he had given her for her birthday. It was a tiny music box that played a lullaby. Her heart ached at the memory.

𝘈𝘴𝘳𝘢 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘱𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦, 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘦𝘳.

"𝘏𝘦𝘳𝘦, 𝘈𝘳𝘪𝘢." 𝘏𝘦 𝘴𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘥 𝘶𝘱 𝘢 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘸𝘳𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘲𝘶𝘢𝘳𝘦. 𝘈𝘳𝘪𝘢 𝘵𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘪𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘥 𝘪𝘵 𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘺. 𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘵𝘩 𝘸𝘳𝘢𝘱 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘥. 𝘐𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘦𝘯 𝘣𝘰𝘹 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘢 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘵𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘥. 𝘗𝘰𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘬 𝘦𝘯𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦. 𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘭𝘦 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘵 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺𝘦𝘥 𝘢 𝘴𝘰𝘧𝘵 𝘭𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘢𝘣𝘺 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘥. "𝘖𝘩 𝘈𝘴𝘳𝘢, 𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘵!" 𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘶𝘨𝘨𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘵𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘭𝘺, 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘭𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩. "𝘐'𝘮 𝘴𝘰 𝘨𝘭𝘢𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰, 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘈𝘳𝘪𝘢."

She picked it up, inspected it, and threw it onto the bed they shared last night. She threw all her gifts from him into the messy bed and hurried downstairs. She grabbed Asra's note and wrote, 'I'm leaving. I can't do this anymore.'

It was vauge and he probably wouldn't know what she meant until she was....where was she going? She stopped in the shop, bags slung over her shoulder, a money pouch at her side. Where would she go? She had no where. No one. Not Muriel, not Julian. They'd tell Asra immediately. Nadia would talk her out of it, Portia would panic and beg her not to leave. If Lucio were here he'd tell her to do it. Fuck everything else. Placing Asra's tarot deck on the counter, Aria gulped and let out a sob, finally feeling the extent of her emotions.

She was so tired. So so 𝘚𝘖 tired. He was always leaving, always going off and seeing things by himself. He never knew how it made her feel at night, when she was alone. How she cried, how she wanted him by her. His arms around her, his laughter and his happy gaze on her. She never told him, she never wanted to be a burden in him. He had a tight to his freedom; he was an adult. But shit, wasn't she important to him? He said so. He whispered it all night just mere hours ago. She kneeled over and wailed, clutching at the shop counter. Her mouth hanging open in a grotesque silent scream. Fat tears rolled down her cheeks, collecting at her chin. They trembled and fell to the floor.

She fell alseep so excited to leave with him, they were going to wake up together and pack together. Eat together and turn a new page. 'I love you.' Bullshit. 'i want you to come with me.' No, you don't. 'You're the single most important thing to me.' Fuck off, she didn't feel like it.

Asra had the funniest way of showing affection. If this was his version of love then he was definitely sending mixed messages. She gasped and wiped her cheeks. She swallowed the agony in her throat and opened the door door, locking it behind her. She erased any trace of her magic and left without a word.

_______________________

When Asra came home a month later, he was worried to sense that there was no trace of Aria in the dusty shop. He unlocked the door, walking inside. The shop was still and quiet. The apartment above was still and quiet. Rotting food eminated from the kitchen. She closed the door and headed into the kitchen, feeling a soft small amount of energy on the paper that lay on the dusty counter. Aria. The more was crumpled slightly, and there was a message.

Once he read it, he sighed. He knew it would've been a 50/50 chance at this. Aria could only take so much. But Asra couldn't do it. He got frightened once again, and she left because of him. He bit his lip, tears welling up in his eyes. It wasn't right, he knew that. He debated never coming back. He wasn't ready. He couldn't be ready even if he was given 100 years.

Aria could be anywhere by now. Asra didn't know where else she could be. Where would she go? This wasn't like Aria.

___________________

Prakra was beautiful, like Nadia had said. A lady of sun and sea. Aria had gotten a tan, and multiple freckles. She worked as a fortune teller in a popular marketplace. She was doing well for herself. She had her own apartment and her own business. She bought a new tarot deck and rebuilt everything. But she missed Vesuvia. She missed her home. She remembered everything before the ritual, how close she and Asra were. If she thought too hard about it she would shake and sob, mourning a life that was not hers to replay. She wasn't Aria. She was Aria's corpse reanimated with magick and a finiky magicians whim. And he got bored with her.

She took a shakey breath and bought a fish from one of the vendors. She had made peace with the fact she wasn't enough. She, her. Her now. The remains of an apprentice long lost to death. She felt like she was living someone's else's life. A toy for a child who lost his before.

Asra hadn't come looking for her, which maybe meant two things. He either didn't know where to go, or he just didn't care. The last one stung particularly, and that's the one she convinced herself off. But was she to blame him? No. She wasn't the Aria he knew. Aria wasn't the same and he had no obligation to stay. She knew why he did for the ritual, but as soon as she was able to take care of herself he didn't even try to rebuild a relationship. A loving, honest relationship. He just left for days, icing her out and expecting her to deal with it. She cared about him. She just whished he would care about her. She knows he spent time with Muriel, and not her. He had friends to fall back on while she only had him. And he wasn't even there. She wallowed in pain for a few minutes, ambling around the place, tears threatening to spill.

The sun beat down on her bare skin, teasing it with it's rays. She stopped at a fountain and sat on the rim, hand idle in the cold water. Kids ran around with their parents and friends, shrieking and laughing. She wanted that. Wanted that life, wanted to be a mother. She could settle down with a nice man here, settle for someone who wasn't Asra, have kids she would love and raise, and then fuck off into a hole and die. Never see Asra again. She bit the inside of her cheek and took a staggering breath. She found herself at a loss for breathe most times. She felt weak, always so weak. So weak without Asra, so fragile without his magic. So stunted without his as her rock. That's what she hated the most. Asra was who she needed, who she craved.

It was like she was losing everything day by day, dying in the sun light like a pinned down insect. Asra didn't need her. He made that clear. He just liked having the option of her being there at his disposal. She coughed and shook her head. This was the curse of being so in love with someone. So wholey, truly in love with someone that they practically owned you. Aria knew that if Asra simply asked her she would drop everything and run back to him. She would tell herself no, but she knew better than that.

She only hoped he wouldn't find her, because she wouldn't be able to handle it.


End file.
